This Is Randy, Don't Be Like Randy

In the quiet and mostly unfortunate town of Shitville, strange things happened from time to time. But nothing—absolutely nothing—compared to the day Randy “The Rain King” McStorm decided the weather belonged to him. On a stormy afternoon, thunder roared and rain poured from the sky. Suddenly, Randy burst out of his house wearing a blue blanket as a royal cape, his eyes wide with excitement. "I AM THE RAIN KING!” he screamed to the heavens. Across the street, Lauren Ghettoqueen, a reporter stood under a dripping microphone while a news helicopter circled overhead. "This is Lauren Ghettoqueen reporting live..." she said while behind her, chaos unfolded. Sir Pukington, the neighborhood dog, stared at Randy’s dramatic display for a moment… and then promptly threw up in the rain. Not far away, lounging comfortably under a beach umbrella, sat Catalina Von Sass. Wearing sunglasses and sipping a margarita, she held up a tiny sign that read: “I told you so.” The townspeople watched from their windows in stunned silence as lightning struck the “Welcome to Shitville” sign, making the moment feel oddly official. Randy lifted his blanket cape into the wind. "THE STORM OBEYS ME!” he yelled. The storm did not obey him but it did make for the greatest news story Shitville had. So folks, don't be like Randy and keep your NWOT NAVY BLUE FLEECE BLANKET inside!