Red Backpack

Stylish and durable Douchebags backpack, perfect for everyday use, overnight bag, skate equipment, plus board straps…But of course, you don’t need to use it for any of that. We at Green Hanger Boutique know what you really need; something to carry all the bullshit you drag around with you; some of it personal, some is superstitious, but you carry it, goddamn it, and it can all fit in this horny ass bag. It’s red. It’s spacious, yet sleek. It’s got some inside pockets, they’re mesh, like, so you can see what you packed - because your ADHD having-ass forgot that shit the minute you zipped shut that NON-mesh pocket in the other bag you ruined - remember? The sole reason for you seeking this vessel out to begin with?! Of course you don’t - Jake - don’t lie to yourself. Bobby. Dustin. Just buy the bag; put all your shit in it; see through the pockets inside it so you don’t forget a half-eaten cliff bar - the remnants of which now present as an alien substance coating the bottom of the Osprey bag your cousin gifted you; and that shit’s ugly af - it’s red; but the red that tell others: “I have more money than you - in a shitty way” and you don’t want anyone else to have it out for you. Not like the Barrow Boys; JAKE! Do you really think this bag will help you escape Colorado with enough shit, in enough time, with enough time between now and ordering it, and shipping time - Jake, I hate to be the one to tell you like this, because it’s so obvious; but you have to buy this. Ric!